Feast



The patrons of a dusty desert bar out in the middle of the Nevada wilderness just want a quiet place to sit, drink, and maybe cheat their friend out of their money during a game of pool. But instead of the quiet evening of liquor and recreational betting they expected, they end up thrust into a night of horror when a mysterious stranger with a shotgun and his wife show up, barricade the door, and warn everyone inside about a family of angry, bloodthirsty beasts outside that want to kill them. The drunkard’s skepticism only lasts for a moment until one of the creatures gets inside to cause bloody mayhem. Soon the survivors find themselves trapped in the middle of nowhere, with no form of outside communication, and surrounded by a pack of angry, unidentifiable monsters outside that not only seem super pissed, but also super hungry…. and maybe a little horny. So much for a nice, quiet night of drinking.



Feast is another film from “The 50 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen” that I was vaguely aware of, but not much else. I actually remember seeing copies of it on the shelves of the video rental stores before all those stores went belly up, but I never actually got around to renting or watching it. The movie was one of the four films produced thanks to Project Greenlight, a show on HBO and Bravo that gave aspiring filmmakers a chance to submit their scripts to the likes of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, with the hopes of possibly getting their movie project funded. I didn’t watch that show either, but I do have even vaguer memories of seeing ads for it. Feast was the result of Greenlight’s third season and was, surprisingly, the most successful film the show produced, managing to earn close to 700k in theaters, over 4 million in DVD sales, and spawning two sequels (which the show did not produce.) Personally, I don’t know if I would have put it on the list of “The 50 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen”. I think I could have easily come up with a few other “lesser-knowns” that could have easily taken that spot. But I will concede that for a gory, cheesy monster movie, it ended up being a fairly decent gory, cheesy monster movie.



It should be clear pretty early on that despite its origins, Feast is not what you would call a true “independent” film. That label generally implies no budget and a cast of unknowns. Now, working with only around a 3-4 million production budget, it certainly had less to work with than a large studio production, but that amount isn’t necessarily out of the norm for a cheap horror picture. And as far as “unknowns”, I’m pretty sure that label only applied to the film’s writers, because everyone else, at the very least, had several parts under their belts before making this film. Hell, even the lame-ass kid who was only in two scenes had parts in Red Dragon and the remake of The Bad News Bears. So even he doesn’t count. Other familiar faces from movies and TV include Henry Rollins, Duane Whitaker, Eileen Ryan and, because his son was the freaking director, Clu Gulagar. And if you’re a rap fan, even Trench from Naughty by Nature is in this film (briefly). And let’s not forget that the producers attached to the film include Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Wes Craven and Bob and Harvey Weinstein (Fuck that guy), who I’m sure added their own independent backing to the film. So no, this movie was in no way lacking in support, or talent, and it damn well shows, both in the performances and the visuals, which includes some very gnarly and gruesome gore effects that should make even some of the most hardcore horror hounds very happy.


I swear this man made every cheesy movie he was in 10x better.

There are really two things that are going to determine whether or not this film is for you. The first is whether or not the comedy resonates with you. Thankfully, the writing is better than a lot of those really cheap comedy/horror movies that randomly show up on streaming services because they were independently released. So instead of just watching a lot of stupid and/or annoying people make insanely stupid decisions and us watching the inevitable grisly fallout, the viewer is also treated to things like witty banter, sight gags, gross-out humor and some physical comedy. So there’s really a little bit of everything. But part of that determining factor is also going to boil down to just how much of a horror fan you are, because the movie sort of treats itself as a big inside joke, and the film lets you in on the movie’s “game” from the very beginning. The movie’s opening sequence at the bar not only identifies all the characters inside as they’re introduced, but also classifies them with a “Job”, “Occupation” and, most importantly, “Life Expectancy.” And then, not long after everyone’s been introduced, it promptly knocks off the “Hero” about ten seconds after he’s been identified, proving the movie to be a great big fat liar liar, pants on fire. So part of the fun of the film after realizing that everyone is up for grabs is trying to figure out who’s really going to die, how ridiculously they’re going to die, and in what order. So if you’re the type to take your horror movies too seriously, you will not have a good time.


Damn, this film can be downright mean.

The second is going to be the plot. Do you prefer horror stories with a lot of emotional depth and nuance? Maybe a little subtle symbolism for you to think about? Well then move along buttercup, cause you ain’t gonna find any of that here. Because beyond the basics of “stranger shows up, monsters attack, all the randos in the bar try to survive” there is nothing else here in regards to the story. It is a very simple, straightforward and to the point plot. There is no fat to be trimmed, no deep meaning to be found, no themes to dissect, nothing. Hell, the film doesn’t even bother to explain what the monsters are or where they come from. This is just a quick, simple story about a group of monsters randomly showing up at a bar and trying to eat and hump all the people inside, often in the most bloody and cringe-y way possible. That’s it. That’s the plot. That’s all you get.



So, Feast may not be a “great” horror movie, but it’s fun for what it is, and what it is is a cheesy monster movie. The movie is well directed, the visuals are sharp, and the acting is leagues better than the film deserves. Gore hounds should be pleased with the sheer level of blood and guts, but the effects fans among them will perhaps be slightly disappointed by just how much of those blood and guts are actually just CG splatter. And though the film moves at a good pace and has a decent script (again, for what it is), the story is incredibly bare bones, even by cheap monster movie standards. If you like horror comedies, creepy creatures and buckets upon buckets of blood, then you’ll probably consider this a fun, quick watch. But if you’re looking for something with more story and have issues with gore, then you should probably skip this one (and its sequels, I’d imagine.)

Feast is available on a variety of streaming services.

Feast is also available on DVD and Bluray.

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