Exists



A group of five college students, two brothers and their three friends, head off into the Texas wilderness to have a little rustic fun. They’re staying in a cabin owned by the brother’s uncle who, judging by the level of leaves and dust on display, hasn’t used the place in years.



The only hiccup in their 8+ hour journey so far is that they seem to have hit something on the side of the road on the way there. But since they can’t seem to find what they’ve hit and it only caused minor damage they merrily went on their way, with the only hint that something may be off being some strange noises in the woods. They try to enjoy their time off with some light lakeside frolicking the next day, but by the time night falls the noises return. Only this time they’re closer and they’re accompanied by a very large, menacing figure. At first nobody wants to admit to it, but it quickly becomes apparent that the thing suddenly attacking them and stranding them in the woods is clearly a Sasquatch and, whoo boy, is it ticked off.


Goodness…

At first the friends think they’re going to be okay, because surely the uncle will come looking for them in a day or so. But those hopes are dashed when the brothers inform them that the reason their uncle hadn’t used his beloved hunting cabin in years is because he saw “something” in the woods and never went back. And he forbade anyone else from using it too. So the brothers actually had to steal the key to get in and nobody actually knows they’re out there. Meaning the five of them are now on their own to try to figure out how to escape from something that isn’t even supposed to exist.



Somebody (I forget who, sorry) mentioned this movie to me a while ago, and I figured it was high time I finally got around to watching it. And since it’s a cryptid film I figured it was also the perfect time to finally clean out all the other cryptid films currently sitting on my watch-list (yay!). So prepare for another exciting (and likely painful) month filled with monsters that may or may not exist. Let us begin….



Exists is an American found-footage horror film from 2014 that was directed by Eduardo Sánchez, the same guy who brought us The Blair Witch Project, and is thus one of the guys partially responsible for starting the modern found-footage craze. Not having kept up with his career, I was surprised to see that this was only his 5th (and currently last) feature film, and that since its release he’s mainly been working by directing television episodes for various series. And judging by some of the review scores of his other films, I can see why he might have switched directions, because they’re all kind of middling compared to The Blair Witch Project. Which…honestly isn’t all that surprising, considering what a phenom that movie turned out to be. It’s really hard to capture lighting in a bottle twice, after all. But even considering this film’s rather lackluster scores, I honestly didn’t think it was that bad. I mean, it of course comes nowhere close to having the same impact as his first film, but it still has its moments even though it’s filled with, at this point, a lot of VERY familiar issues that, had they been rectified in some way, could have otherwise made it a much more enjoyable experience.



There are two main culprits, and sadly they’re ones that plague a lot of films. The first is that the characters are all painfully dull, which is something that may be fine for something like auxiliary victims, but not when they’re all supposed to be your ‘main’ characters. On the guys side, you have the de-facto ‘leader’, and the only reason he seems to have earned that title is because he’s the one who stole the key to the cabin. His brother does double duty as the main videographer and the guy who seems to have only agreed to go on vacation because he can be high half the time. And rounding out those three is the token black guy, who seems to have a few repressed and ill-timed anger issues.



The gals meanwhile, fare even worse than their male counterparts. Those two don’t even get the dignity of having to fulfill a trope, as they are granted no distinguishing personality qualities whatsoever. Like, NONE. I don’t think there’s even enough here to quantify one as the ‘smart’ or ‘ditzy’ one. There’s just…nothing. Thus their only real identifiable features are their hair color, with one having red hair and the other brown. But most of the film is shot at night where you often can’t see a difference anyway. So it’s kind of a moot point. Especially since they’re so boring that you probably won’t even remember their names even five minutes after the film’s over. You might forget before the film’s over. Lord knows I did. Hell, I forgot everyone’s name except for “Uncle Bob”, and that’s only because everyone kept yelling it into their static-y phone like a bunch of lunatics.


But seriously though, you’re telling me you guys couldn’t find a single blond for this film? At least then I might have been able to distinguish whose girlfriend was whose.

And the other major ding against the film is the ever familiar offender of everyone suddenly growing profoundly stupid not long after the monster shows up. I’m sure you know what I mean. It’s that thing where almost all the characters, especially those who had previously seemed like such reasonable people, suddenly have their IQ points seemingly drop into the single digits because “Ah, STRESS!” I’d blame it on the familiar ‘city folk not knowing how to deal with anything involving the wilderness’, but I’ve seen it pop up in other situations, so it seems to just be a thing movies like to do as a lazy excuse to add tension. In any case, it’s annoying. And this movie seems rife with it, which makes it doubly annoying. Especially in time sensitive cases where people are supposed to be going for help.


WOULD YOU JUST GET BACK ON THE BIKE AND PEDDLE, PLEASE!

The idiot who keeps jumping off his bike to try to make a phone call aside though, the most egregious example centers around the film’s gun. Because believe it or not, the characters in this movie are actually gifted a functioning shotgun to use against the creature, AS WELL AS – get this – a cigar box of ~7 shells. That is LOADS more than most people in these types of movies usually have at their disposal. So IN THEORY they should be fine, right? Shotguns do a lot of damage after all, so one or two shots should be all that’s needed to take this thing (or anything really) down. Especially since Bigfoot, fictional monster or no, is still a flesh and blood creature, and can thus, be killed.



Well, it COULD, but again, you have to remember that I said that everyone became profoundly stupid in this movie. So instead of doing the simple thing of waiting until the creature is trying to break in and then shooting it, something our gun-wielding friend actually claims they want to do because – and I quote this for emphasis – “I don’t wanna waste the shot”, instead they panic and shoot blindly through the window anyway, (sigh) and run to another room and barricade themselves further into the cabin and shoot blindly through the door (double sigh). So there goes Missed Opportunity #1 and 2.

Then, when Bigfoot inevitably breaks in anyway and grabs one of them (of course), instead of shooting it, which would have been EXTREMELY easy to do at that point as it was clearly visible, Todd, our token black friend who was given the gun solely because he ‘played paintball’, drops the gun to help the others help his girlfriend and winds up letting our furry friend escape. So, Missed Opportunity #3.



It’s only after the thing breaks in for the third time that night (goodness gracious, children) that Todd finally wings this thing. But again, he shoots in pitch blackness, because I guess nobody wants to help him out by pointing a fucking flashlight at this thing so they can actually SEE what they’re doing, and the creature runs off yet again. So, Missed Opportunity #4, but I’ll give them partial credit because they finally managed to actually hit something.


By some miracle.

We’re not done with the gun yet though. Because at this point one of them is dead and the cabin is trashed. So the remaining three decide that they need to move to another, more secure location. So Brian, being the only one who has visited the area, offers to lead them along a trail to location #2. Only, oh wait, he knows a shortcut (No!) and the other two stupidly follow him through the woods (NOOOO!) and they end up having to hide under a bridge because they didn’t make it to the new location before nightfall cause it turns out the shortcut wasn’t so short (I’m stunned).

But when Bigfoot finds them, instead of being quiet Todd suddenly snaps and decides to go all ‘gangsta’, jumping out of their hiding place and shooting blindly into the forest towards the echoing sound of grunts and snarls. He only stops because the shell gets stuck, but by this point he’s wasted two shots and along with it Missed Opportunity #5-6.


I’m really starting to dislike you, Todd…

It’s Brian who turns out to be the only one who manages to properly hit the thing with the final shot because – and you won’t believe this – he waited until he could actually see Bigfoot before pulling the trigger. Granted, he could barely see him, but he waited like a champ for visual proof before taking the shot none the less. And so Brian’s final shot thus ends the movie’s mini ‘Saga of the Gun’, a tale whose only purpose, as far as I can tell, was only included to instill a level of fury into the viewer that is rivaled only by the film’s furry antagonist. There are other ridiculously dumb moments from our characters besides that, of course. Like how nobody EVER manages to remain quiet when they’re trying to hide, or several of them yelling at Bigfoot like it has any sort of comprehension of conversational English. But everything surrounding the gun and how the characters operate it easily remains the film’s most obnoxious offender.



Thankfully though, all is not lost in this often rather colorless cryptid tale. Because believe it or not, idiots with guns aside, the movie does have its moments. The beginning for instance, mostly the point in time where you’re only given brief glimpses of the creature, is very well done and filled with some excellent moments of tension. The bike segment in particular, where you get to see Bigfoot easily keep pace with Mark as he peddles for all he’s worth, ends up being very good. And the noises our furry friend makes while it’s out stalking its prey in the dark? Those aren’t only extremely creepy, but also very well executed. As is the design of the Bigfoot itself. So the movie DOES know what it’s doing when it counts. It’s just that it needed a better script so as to not make all of its characters so frustratingly annoying.


Except for maybe Uncle Bob.

So, multiple paragraphs of complaints aside, Exists may have its fair share of problems, but it still isn’t that bad. The first part of the movie, involving the buildup and the setting, it does very well. And the ending isn’t too shabby either. It’s just that middle part involving the gun where things get obnoxiously bad for a while. But even considering that segment, and the movie’s painfully dull, ho-hum characters, I think this still ends up being a solid ‘middle of the road’ found-footage film. It’s not great. It’s not terrible. It’s just… average. So if you enjoy the genre and like Bigfoot, then this is probably worth at least one watch. If you don’t care about found-footage films though, then I highly doubt that you’ll find anything here that will change your mind about the subject.

Exists is available on a variety of streaming services.

Exists is also available on DVD and Bluray, in various territories.

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