The Willies



Kyle, Josh, and their cousin, Micheal, are spending the night doing some backyard camping. While huddled around the lantern in their tent they begin to tell stories in an effort to out-gross or out-scare one another. The stories range from familiar urban legends, to local tales about a bathroom monster and a boy with a creepy obsession with flies…


Um…okay.

Continuing on with my “Kiddie Movies” month is The Willies, which is an American anthology film from the early 90’s. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I love anthology films, so the prospect of this one really appealed to me. Plus, it’s kind of a rarity in the horror field, because not only is it an anthology film, but it’s one specifically aimed at kids, which is even more scarce. It kind of feels like reading a couple stories from Goosebumps, or watching a long version of Are You Afraid of the Dark?, or for you older horror fans, watching Creepshow if it had been dumbed down for a younger audience. None of which are bad things. It also appears to have had a bit of a budget to work with, which is also nice. But of course, like most of the movies I watch, this one has some… issues.



But first I’ll be nice and talk about the positive stuff.

The film looks remarkably good, all things considered. This was before the era where CGI really took hold, so beyond one brief instance of “green screen” everything they used here was a practical effect. But while you can expect some of what you see to look a little off (the exterior of the house in the final story is clearly a model), the movie did not skimp on the gore and monster effects, so thankfully the parts that really matter end up looking very nice. Considering the target audience, none of what you see is going to be considered too gory or even very scary by modern standards (unless your kid happens to be really wimpy, or like, 4-years-old), but they are sufficiently creepy and effective for a PG-13 rated film.





The acting also ends up being pretty good as well. Not great mind you, but good. The kids are all tolerable and weren’t annoying unless they were really meant to be annoying. So I really have no major complaints. Plus, they’re kids and you can tell they’re trying, so I’m going to be nice. Honestly, I thought a couple of the adults were actually way worse than some of the kids. But they are thankfully balanced out with a very nice cast of movie and TV regulars, including Sean Astin, James Karen, Kathleen Freeman, Bill Erwin, Kimmy Robertson and a “blink and you’ll miss him” appearance by Clu Gulager. Hell, even Kirk Cameron and Tracey Gold make brief cameo appearances as their characters from Growing Pains at one point. So suffice it to say that the movie is not without its fair share of decent acting and familiar faces, especially if you’re at all familiar with 80s and 90s TV and movies.







And now, here’s the bad:

While there are a couple of small technical issues to note, like a boom mic briefly appearing in one shot, and some blood splatter that keeps appearing and disappearing on one guy’s shirt, the film has one glaring flaw, and unfortunately it’s a big one: the pacing.

IT

SUCKS.

The film technically contains five stories, plus the linking narrative surrounding the boys camping in the backyard. But the first three stories centered around urban legends, “Tennessee Fricassee”, “Haunted Estate”, and “Poodle Souffle”, all happen within the first 11 minutes of the film’s runtime, before the opening credits have even had a chance to roll. So that means the other 80-some-odd minutes of film are really only dedicated to two stories: “Bad Apples” and “Flyboys”. Now the first short, “Bad Apples” is a fun short and actually flows very well. It has a definitive beginning, middle and end, it has enough action going on to keep you interested, keep the tension and mystery elevated, and most importantly, at around 27 minutes it doesn’t overstay its welcome.


See, look, he’s leaving. What a nice monster.

“Flyboys” on the other hand, is a damn slog. It clocks in at around 43 minutes long, which is almost half the length of the whole damn movie. And that might be okay if the story were actually interesting, but it’s really not. It mostly just involves watching this creepy, mean kid going about his day being a righteous little jerk to people and torturing bugs until he eventually gets his comeuppance in the last five minutes. Granted, the story does have some very creepy moments during that time, including the kid’s very disturbing dioramas he makes with flies after he plucks their wings off (the kid has serious issues), but there’s still no way the short needed to go on as long as it did. They could have summed the whole story up in 25 minutes and had more than enough time for a (much needed) third story, and the film would have been better for it. But no. For some reason they wanted to torment their audience by forcing them to watch a pudgy little bully deal with the consequences of his bug obsession. It’s just too long and too boring, and if they were going to make one of the stories longer I would have much more preferred to spend that time watching the bathroom monster slaughter annoying middle schoolers than being forced to spend it with bug boy.


If I liked the kid more I’d tell him he needs professional help.

So… yeah. That last, and longest of the stories in the movie kinda sucks. But I guess on the plus side that means that The Willies is at least half good? I mean, I did quite enjoy the three quick, silly shorts at the beginning and the creepy bathroom monster tale in the middle. So I don’t think the movie was a total waste of my time. But it is a shame that the final story is such a letdown. It seriously feels like the kind of story that was added to purposefully plod along in an attempt to fill-in some of the film’s runtime. I mean, could they really not edit that one down and come up with another quick story to add in there instead? Or even add in a couple more urban legend shorts in the middle to balance the film out? Yes? No? Maybe? *Sigh* I don’t know. Maybe they spent too much money on those guest appearances and couldn’t swing it. Oh well. At least the film’s an easy watch and not all bad, which I guess is the best I can hope for considering that last tale. So if you like anthology horror films, then know that the first half of this one is pretty fun and may be worth your time, but that the second half may test your patience.

The Willies is available on a variety of streaming services.

The Willies is also available on DVD, but it looks like most of them may be out of print.

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