Schlock

A small southern California town is being terrorized by a mass murderer that local authorities have dubbed “The Banana Killer”, due to the killer’s propensity to leave banana peels behind at the scene of every crime. But when the police get a tip about where the killer may be hiding, they come to the shocking conclusion that the murderer isn’t a man at all, but a prehistoric ape that has somehow suddenly awakened from his thousand year long slumber. Unable to outwit the creature and in desperate need of backup, the ape man roams around town causing mayhem until the National Guard can swoop in for a last minute rescue.

The people here are so dumb they’re really gonna need it.

After browsing through my watchlist I noticed I had an unusually high number of 70’s films that I hadn’t yet gotten around to, so I figured this month would be as good a time as any to clear some out. And since my friend once said it’s mostly what I tend to watch anyway, I figured what better way to start off a viewing of odd 70’s horror cinema than with a movie called Schlock. Schlock is a horror comedy that’s probably most well known for being the first feature film by director John Landis, being one of the first jobs for Academy Award winning makeup artist Rick Baker (An American Werewolf in London, Videodrome, Harry and the Hendersons, etc, etc…), and that’s…. Well, honestly I think that’s really it’s only claim to fame at this point. The movie does have a minor cult following, but even Landis has since described the film as “terrible.” And though I don’t think I’d go quite that far with my description, I can see why he’s no longer overly fond of his first foray into film.

Considering what happened during Twilight Zone, this shot is actually much more disturbing than intended.

There are two main things you need to know about Schlock. The first is that it was an independent film made on the cheap for around $60k, or roughly $460k today when adjusted for inflation. That’s…not a lot. But it should be enough to give you a pretty good idea of what kind of movie you’re walking into. This was a twelve day shoot, in a small California town, for a first time director with a bunch of unknown actors. Meaning that much of the acting is worse than what you’d typically find in community theater, and you’re not going to recognize a single living soul, not even John Landis because he spends all his time on screen running around in a gorilla suit. So don’t expect to walk away impressed by anyone on screen, cause that ain’t gonna happen.

See, even he’s not impressed.

That said though, the one upside to the film’s cheapness is that it was made in the 70s, so all the effects used are 100% practical. So you don’t have to worry about things like crap-tacular CGI, because when they had to crash or tear apart a car, they actually had to literally crash or tear apart a friggin’ car. And I will say this, even though the main character is nothing more than a man running around in a gorilla costume, at least it has the benefit of being a good looking gorilla costume (thank you, Rick Baker), as opposed to whatever the hell that monstrosity was they put together for Trog, and THAT film had the benefit of recognizable names behind it.

My only complaint is that no one got beaten to death with that fake arm.

And the second thing you need to know is that this is a parody, primarily of cheesy 1950s horror films, but also of a few late 60s and 70s films in general. So already your enjoyment is going to kinda depend on how familiar you are with those genres/films. But again, this was done on the cheap, so even if you are familiar you shouldn’t expect this to be a laugh-a-minute masterpiece on the same level as, say, Blazing Saddles. This is less Mel Brooks and more Three Stooges or maybe even a little Benny Hill in nature. So some of the scenes come at you rapid fire, and much of the movie feels less like a plot and more like a couple dozen skits strung together to loosely form a plot. And because the writing is spotty at best, some things are gonna hit while others are gonna fall completely flat. It’s all gonna really depend on your sense of humor.

It’s not often you can illustrate the incompetence of the entire police department in one screenshot.

Personally, the film didn’t tickle my funny bone as much as I would have hoped, but I was surprised by how much I still ended up liking it. Not necessarily because the movie is a laugh riot (it really isn’t), but because even though I might not have found a lot of the scenes funny, I did still find many of them amusing, or in some cases just downright sweet or charming. In one scene in particular the ape man mimics the prehistoric man scene from 2001: A Space Odyssey by throwing a bone up into the air…and right through a store window in order to liberate a display of Chiquita Bananas. Then he runs away and throws all the bananas at some poor hippie dude who’s just sitting at a picnic table trying to enjoy his lunch. But I wasn’t amused so much because of the scene itself (which, okay, kinda funny), but more so because even though you’re zoomed out and can’t see hippie guy that well , you can still tell that he’s trying really hard not to laugh at this nonsense. And who can blame him? The director just ran by him and threw a bushel of fruit at him while wearing an ape suit. If I wasn’t slightly upset just by thinking of the near certainty of the unnecessary demise of the untold numbers of produce that it undoubtedly took to make this film, I’d have laughed too. That entire scenario was ridiculous.

Hold it together, hippie boy.

So yeah, I liked Schlock and I’m kinda surprised about it. It may not have been as funny as I was hoping for, but I can’t say I wasn’t entertained or even slightly impressed by it. I can see why Landis might not like it much now. Though I found it charming I’ll admit that it’s still pretty clunky, has its fair share of (very) rough edges, and WAY too many closeups of people’s eyes. But even though it’s not “great”, you can still easily see all the potential in it. The writing may be kinda choppy in spots, but it’s still pretty good, and the framing and directorial work are exceptional when compared to other low budget films. It’s the kind of movie you want to show to modern “I made this whole thing using my phone” filmmakers and go, “See, THIS is how you do a low-budget movie. Please take notes.” So while it may not be the funniest thing out there, it’s still pretty fun, entertaining, and surprisingly well made, and I can certainly see why so many people still like it. It’s a movie full of wholesome, highschool-level stupidity, with a lot of heart and a man running around in an ape costume. I mean, you do kinda have to have an appreciation of the time period and the movie’s they’re riffing, but really what’s not to like?

Schlock is available on a variety of streaming services.

Schlock is also available on Bluray from Arrow Films.

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