Yes, I know, it’s in Spanish. No me importa.

A trio of teenage girls decide to have a slumber party at one of the girls homes. A couple of guys decide to party crash, including a recently escaped mental patient armed with a scalpel.

The Last Slumber Party feels less like a movie and more like the pet project of a teen who forced his friends to help him make a horror movie one weekend, under extreme duress, because he was obsessed with slashers. The dialogue is horrendous, the acting is even worse, the editing is choppy, the scenes drag on for what feels like eternity and the characters are so brain-dead that I’m positive their IQs are well into the negative range. It’s so bad that they don’t even notice when the killer is right next to them.

Like, seriously guys. How bad must your peripheral vision be for you to miss that?

The only notable point I can think of in it’s favor, is that it’s one of the few teen slashers devoid of any nudity. With how bad the movie was going, I kept expecting it to show up in droves as a way of overcompensation, but it never happened. Hell, even Silent Rage threw in random nudity.

It did have some blood, though. So I guess that’s another point.

But it kind of looked like liquid gelatin, so I immediately retract my point.

And I might be able to forgive some of the film’s many, many flaws, but everyone just looks so bored. It’s hard to care about something when no one else seems to have put any care into it. Actors flub their lines mid-sentence, and instead of doing it again the director just lets them keep right on going. Several streams of dialogue are delivered so monotonically that you feel the actors are reading from a cue-card just off screen. And did I mention everyone just looks bored?

Whoo hoo. Party…*yawn* on.

The only person who doesn’t look bored is the killer. Which would be great, except he’s just so bland. There’s nothing menacing about him at all. He’s mostly seen just slinking around in the background waiting to slice someone up. And when the movie does focus on him, they just show him staring, bug-eyed into the camera with the scalpel right in front of his face. It’s not creepy at all. It just comes across as goofy. But I guess no one pointed that out to them, because the movie kept on repeating that same scene over and over and over again.

Seriously, this shot is like 30% of the film.

If Silent Rage was dull, than The Last Slumber Party was just…sad. It clearly tries to copy better movies, but doesn’t manage to get anything right. The editing is bad, the characters are dumb teenagers boiled down to their dumbest, the dialogue sounds like something a ten-year old would say and the actors look like they just showed up and put in the most minimal amount of effort. In other words, they just showed up. The only thing that made this movie enjoyable for me, was that I was smart enough to rewatch the Rifftrax version. If not for having something to look forward to, I don’t think I would have made it to the end of the original.

As for the Riffed version goes, that was enjoyable. I must say, those three guys were on point with their commentary. It’s filled with a lot of great references that slasher and horror fans will recognize and appreciate. So if you must watch the film, for the love of all that is horror-fied, please go with that one and avoid the original.

Or go watch Slumber Party Massacre instead. You’ll thank me.

The Last Slumber Party is, as far as I can tell, currently absent from any streaming service. Though it was up at one point, as that’s how I watched it. So it may show up again in the future.

It is also available on DVD as part of an out-of-print double feature with another dud of a horror film, Terror at Tenkiller.

And of course, there is the Rifftrax version.