Hatchet (2006)

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Hatchet is the story of a hapless tour group who have the unfortunate luck of being stranded in the Louisiana bayou after their boat sinks. While they’re trapped out there in the swamp they come across something most people assumed was merely a simple myth: the backwater, murderous, supernatural mutant known as Victor Crowley.

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If this the look on your face when driving the boat, than perhaps you should not, in fact, be driving the boat.

Hatchet is a simple if slightly campy mixture of horror and humor. Unlike it’s sequels, Hatchet leans more towards being a true ‘horror’ film and a bit less towards being filled with some of the more outlandish gore and easter eggs (though it’s not short on those either) that will be seen later. While the plot is quite simple, there were some genuine moments in this movie that made me jump. So in those respects, it gets some brownie points.

But that’s not why someone watches Hatchet. No, you watch Hatchet for the inventive, gruesome slasher kills and, believe me, this film has no shortage.

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They also threw in some gross-out moments for the hell of it.

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Ugh, dude. Unnecessary….

The only thing I really didn’t like about this movie was Ben. Ben is annoying. Ben needed to take a long walk off a short pier. I’m glad they switched the focus away from him as the film progressed, because I might have had to stab myself in the ear just to drown out his whining and awkwardness. Having Mary-Beth the lead in the sequel was a much better decision.

So, basically, I found Hatchet to be a really fun slasher. It’s got some humor, its got some gore, it’s got an 80’s horror vibe going on, and it’s got horror icon cameos….What’s not to like? It might be simplistic in its story, but that’s a slasher hallmark. Not every movie needs a moral. But if every movie did need a moral I think Hatchet’s would be ”don’t let your boat sink in the damned swamp.”

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Now tell me class, what have these two done wrong?

Hatchet is available for streaming on a variety of online services.

It is also available on DVD and Bluray.
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Michi

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